I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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