no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
