Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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