What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
