So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
