I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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