I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
