my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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