Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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