I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
