And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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