I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're making bets on your personal life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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