Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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