So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
