Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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