you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
