Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
