Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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