She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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