she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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