I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
