Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
