is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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