Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize