So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize