Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
