I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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