I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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