1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize