Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
