Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
