Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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