Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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