The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize