Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
