and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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