this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
