Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
