Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
false alarm. still invincible.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize