I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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