He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
