She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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