I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
