I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
