and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
high people should be assigned attendants
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
