i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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