She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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