Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to have your abortion
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
