It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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