but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
