Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize