I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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