a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We're too hungover to prance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
