Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
