SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
