so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
