All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
