we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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