I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
