Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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