i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
