i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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