one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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