Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
