forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
