U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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