i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How's work?
Spinning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
