You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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