i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
