so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
