If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
