Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
whose ass print is on the piano?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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