I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she pinky promised me she was 18
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
