Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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