She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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