Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
