I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
