Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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