Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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