i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
