This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
