she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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