That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
