You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
