im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
