You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dignity is for republicans.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
