I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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