Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize