I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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