I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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