Don't you send me to vm
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
