sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
