I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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