Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
