They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
