my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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