I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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