everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
