OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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