I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
