Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
