Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just want nice things and good sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
