The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
