He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
