i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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