The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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