Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
