My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
